JessicaMarie

I get so angry. I really don't know what to do. Lol. As I type I hear the voice echo in mind "to be still". I have great days, today especially I got so much done and had such an organic joy, but at the end of the night after the hard work is done and some last minute work starts to frustrate me I go to lay down and find my mind wondering and replaying different events and actions that I know were not the best ones I've made out of anger and frustration. I'm cancer free, a mind full and single. I just want to enjoy my life. I'm sick of running back to what makes me unhappy every time I feel alone,  angry or just wanting the championship. I am dealing with the pain right now without trying to find a quick fix and honest to bob it really really hurts. It's kind of like lifting weights I guess, the pain eventually fades away and in perfect time you see positive results. I am doing this for me, but best believe the little spoiled ego driven girl in me wants to...

Just got off the phone with my grandmother! She says the best things: "You only want things so bad because you love yourself more than the thing you want, the only desire is to give YOU what you want for you!" "Love yourself more than enough and know what you deserve"

The craziest feeling is feeling that no one can understand how you feel or what you mean when you try to express yourself. Someone told me tonight that they know how it feels to be completely innocent and no one in the room believed them and they knew they couldn't convince the other people any different. They went further on to tell me how it made them feel and that it was a crazy experience, and I am sure very uncomfortable too, but theres nothing you can do change what other people think or say. I put myself in many situations and occasions that were totally unnecessary and not only could it have negatively effect my future it could have been detrimental to my health and cause me to send my self back to hospital. Its crazy how emotions fly loose and Ego takes King in your life when you can not see clearly. Reacting to or out of anger is not the key to solving any issues. I learned plenty of times that when you react emotionally to a situation it usually doesn't help... at al...