Wasted phone calls. I'd rather write.

I get so angry. I really don't know what to do. Lol. As I type I hear the voice echo in mind "to be still". I have great days, today especially I got so much done and had such an organic joy, but at the end of the night after the hard work is done and some last minute work starts to frustrate me I go to lay down and find my mind wondering and replaying different events and actions that I know were not the best ones I've made out of anger and frustration. I'm cancer free, a mind full and single. I just want to enjoy my life. I'm sick of running back to what makes me unhappy every time I feel alone,  angry or just wanting the championship. I am dealing with the pain right now without trying to find a quick fix and honest to bob it really really hurts. It's kind of like lifting weights I guess, the pain eventually fades away and in perfect time you see positive results. I am doing this for me, but best believe the little spoiled ego driven girl in me wants to win in her irrational ways but there's no time time or joy in that. I am learning the value of my time. I can not waste it arguing anymore, if its not working out or we disagree it's ok I can not wait for anyone, I can not hear any excuse or lie ( please PLEASE save it) if my presence isn't desired or missed then please don't think I should be one of  people you call for a favor. All this is hand in hand with friendship and dating. Life is too short and there isn't too many people you can meet in your lifetime that will be passionate committed and true with you, so when you meet them hopefully you will be at your best thru discipline patience prayer and favor. 
 

.... Good night. 

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