JessicaMarie

Lost for words when it comes to come to my blog and to open up about what’s been going on around me. I definitely notice that I’m surrounded with tons of lost souls and loose threaded hearts, which pick at each other’s flaws like life wanting vultures. I think people have been so shadowed at times with the hype of others highlights and low falls that it distracts them from what really is important right now and it is learning yourself and loving yourself, knowing YOUR self worth... NOT sharing with everyone else your opinion of someone else's worth, because really that’s what you’re doing right? Everyone is all in everyone’s lane, whose lane I’m not sure? But I sure do at times see some toes creeping into mine, or maybe it may have been me leaning into theirs, but either way I think its sad, that we live in a world where there's millions on millions of people and we Live and Die by the true quote of "You’re lucky if you even happen to have just ONE friend in your lifeti

2:04 am, One of the earliest nights I have had in a few days. My body is finally ease and my mind is happy to catch up to my level and just relax. I feel like Im newly single and ready to Live and I hate to say its because my current circumstances, but I think its just what I should have been doing for quiet sometime. I can honestly say I have been doing it all for me and I am blessed to have some amazing people to bark with, but theres a whisper I must sit still to catch in my wind, that only comes when I am fully ready to receive... and I think I am ready.

I had an eery feeling about how I would feel uncomfortable with sharing again that I have been diagnosed with cancer again, I really could've just sat back, dealt with it on my own and faced what is to come. Of course I believe God has a mission for me, but loosing a best friend to cancer and being pre-diagonosed in the same month #fail. I guess I chose to take my news and handle it and roll with the punches because I did not feel inspired nor did I want share the "news". Whats great about letting everyone know that were finally back to their happy lives that one of their family members or close friend, a person that they love has Cancer again for the 3rd time, that the Bone Marrow transplant didn't work, that we just loss a great friend and family a couple weeks ago and Hey! mine is back too?! I did not feel inspired to go and get my non profit more active, I just laid flat and avoiding the solution. It wasn't until I learned that I had to use a donor out

Today I damn near lost it.  But before I completely did each time, I just breathed and talked to the only one who could hear me, feel me, touch me and be unseen at the same time while I darted through terrible Los Angeles traffic, hanging up on operators who knew nothing about the frustration of me trying to comprehend how they can not see the importance of my scheduled appointment being moved to a sooner date so I do not have to hear my Dad from across the Country passively begging me to speed up the process of getting them, their confirmation of my 3RD CANCER RELAPSE that I myself know in my heart, mind and body is back again. Its not easy at all to ignore when the knot is protruding visibly on the side of your neck and increasing in size slowly but surely, tender and throbbing and the thoughts that follow after, are the ones of losing my friend NOW officially over a month ago. I do wish he was here to call and talk to about all that's going on. He would understand the confus

...a year and a half later.... I finally log back in to type a BLOG.  I honestly came to this page with the attitude and sigh of  "I probably will not even remember the password this time" and sure enough it was already logged in from my previously logging (I did with the attempt to blog) to only re inspire myself with readings of my old post and never getting around to typing a thing!  I sure did make sure to tell everyone how great it was to be able to look back at all the things I had to say then vs what I have been up to now....crazy how the world can take a hold and pull you into the wants and needs that have nothing but distractions from the gaol at stake, but un-doubtingly instills you with life self taught lessons that can never be washed away? Seems these days I and many others have been tested and pushed to limits that are unexplainable but blessings in disguises. I have felt judged, provoked and tested all at the same time , and sometimes failed miserably and ot