JessicaMarie

Today I damn near lost it.  But before I completely did each time, I just breathed and talked to the only one who could hear me, feel me, touch me and be unseen at the same time while I darted through terrible Los Angeles traffic, hanging up on operators who knew nothing about the frustration of me trying to comprehend how they can not see the importance of my scheduled appointment being moved to a sooner date so I do not have to hear my Dad from across the Country passively begging me to speed up the process of getting them, their confirmation of my 3RD CANCER RELAPSE that I myself know in my heart, mind and body is back again. Its not easy at all to ignore when the knot is protruding visibly on the side of your neck and increasing in size slowly but surely, tender and throbbing and the thoughts that follow after, are the ones of losing my friend NOW officially over a month ago. I do wish he was here to call and talk to about all that's going on. He would understand the confus

...a year and a half later.... I finally log back in to type a BLOG.  I honestly came to this page with the attitude and sigh of  "I probably will not even remember the password this time" and sure enough it was already logged in from my previously logging (I did with the attempt to blog) to only re inspire myself with readings of my old post and never getting around to typing a thing!  I sure did make sure to tell everyone how great it was to be able to look back at all the things I had to say then vs what I have been up to now....crazy how the world can take a hold and pull you into the wants and needs that have nothing but distractions from the gaol at stake, but un-doubtingly instills you with life self taught lessons that can never be washed away? Seems these days I and many others have been tested and pushed to limits that are unexplainable but blessings in disguises. I have felt judged, provoked and tested all at the same time , and sometimes failed miserably and ot